Drowning

I am drowning in this life. It all makes me wanna die. I am swimming in a storm. And I am all alone. Abandoned. And afraid. Lost. And so alone. I lie, I die, I cry and ask why. I scream and I cry. I beg and I plead. I need help but no one will give it to me. Nobody listens, nobody cares. And that big lonely world is all out there. Full of hopelessness and despair, selfishness and fury. There is no good or hopes for this world. Best friends stab you in the back, abandon you to die. No one cares when they see you, pass you on the streets as you die. I wish I could fly. Fly away from it all. And when I'm so high, I'll look down on you all. Laughing and also crying, missing my shreds of life. Flying so high as the sun and falling to earth as I die.

The Love That Hurts

Aww my boyfriend sent me this like a month ago but I just checked the email address he sent it to today:
I love you Kayte. With all my heart, with all my soul. How can I go on without losing control? Without you there is no me, without you there is no light I can see. I'm corny, I'm an ass, and I lie. But I love you Kayte. When your happy, when your mad, when your away from me and when your near, when you hate me, when you love me, I can't do without you. Your my other half, my one true love. I've given my heart to you, and I have yours. Even when you dash mine on the floor and leave it there to rot I keep your heart safe, loved and in my arms, like a baby or a jewel, but far more precious. Please don't leave me Kayte... I love you so much... I'm just never there to show you how much I do.

The Cause of All Their Pain

I hate the pain I cause. I hate the tears I create. I hate the fact that there are people out there hurting, because of me. Because I can only choose one and not them all. And they all want the one I choose to be themselves. But I can’t choose one and all at the same time. I hate the fact that just knowing kills them. Knowing I still remember the ones before them. Knowing that there Were ones before them. Knowing that there are things I miss about the others that they don’t give me. I remember them all. The looks in their eyes when they looked at me, the way they held me like they’d never let go even if they would die if they didn’t, the way their voices changed and their attention was taken over by me the second I walked into the room. The way they changed little things for me and put me before anything in their lives. The way they all still care and wish for things to be just the two of us once again. The way their faces drop and their smiles die when they notice the new guy beside me. The way they all wish they were the only one, and wonder how much time they have before they too, are gone. They wonder if I love them and if I’d rather be with another guy, listening to me talk about the ones before when they ask. I hate how no matter what, every time I turn around, I see the broken heart of yet another guy. I don’t want them to hurt, I don’t want to be the cause. I love that so many of them care, but I don’t want them all to hurt. So many lost and broken-hearted, so many shattered souls, so much confusion and pain, and in the middle…Is me.

Cuts That Bring Rain

I want deep cuts to tear away the pain and rain down my blood like a heavy rain. I know in my life I am most likely not sane and all I want is a kind of rain.

Knife

This knife’s sharp teeth match mine. The ones on the dagger you stuck inside my heart. It matches me it hates me it only wants to destroy me. I withdraw but I’m there. Staring out the world. Confused and lost. Alone and afraid. It hurts but I’m numb. I’m lost and I’m dumb. These marks they let out all the pain. And they allow it all to drain. I’m running around inside the rain. Raining of my tears and soul. Life and blood. Emotions and happiness. In all, they were inside of me but now I’m forcing them to leave.

Turmoil

I am dead. I am alive. Everything around me. Crying out inside. Calling out for life. Playing with this knife. Because it’s the only one that understands me. The one that wants to destroy me, too. The only one that will…besides you. You tear me you hurt me and make me scream. Calling out for life. But a life that will not come. Because of what I have become. Screaming running crashing down inside me I die and no one knows. All of these blows. Some from you some from others but all within the world. I hate it, it hurts me and I only wanna die. But inside I am dying. I shut out the world and the pain inside. I become numb and the fumes make me dumb. All of this hurt inside me it twists and makes scream. But only inside because on the surface I’m calm, collected, sure of myself and the world. Calculating and cool. Inside I don’t understand. Wish you do but you don’t and you won’t. All those who love me and I love are gone they leave me. All alone inside. The world whirling around me and I fall to the floor. Running out the door. But without direction. I don’t know where I go. What I want to be. All I know is that the definition of turmoil is me.

So corny but sweet

As a response to my Anguish in the Night poem:
For the good things we wait, for the bad we try to alleviate. In the end, when you come around the last bend, you will know and love that you have more than a friend. Dont cry now, dont get high now. Cry on my shoulder if you need to, get high of the love that i give you. Today is worse, but tomorrow, even with the sorrow and my love as your curse, the burden is easier because it wont get worse.

Anguish in the Night

My heart-you threw it out the door. It shatters when it hits the floor. My tears explode inside of me. All I want is just to leave. But I can't. I'm a prisoner. And I feels the marks. Of when all things good and bright went dark. The candle of hope flickered out. One lone candle in an emptiness of dark. The lone warmth and love it shows. But I don't have it and this I know. I try to prevent myself from dying. But all this time I'm lonely crying. And those tears show me what is true. That I'll always be alone without you. With this truth I must learn to live. And the world I will never forgive.