Really, Parents. THINK!

Why is the world so messed up? So miserable, so determined to share it's misery with others. So intent on hurting. Why can't there ever be anything purely good? Even with my lessening of depression because of Anthony and me, I still feel the sour bite of depression sucking at my soul. I know now that counseling won't work. It's a chemical thing that's fucked up in my brain cuz my mom was on pills when she was pregnant with me and nursing me. Not exactly something I can talk my way out of. I need the pills to fix it but I can't get them and my parents won't. So I'm pretty much helpless and very likely to die sometime before I turn 18. And even if I make it to then, I won't be able to afford the insurance and pills and all that shit. So I'm screwed and set up to die and It's not even my fault. Just more than a little fucked up. Why can't our parents THINK before they do things to fuck us up? My boyfriend's mom fucked up her 3 kids by being around her smoker husband when she was pregnant and putting them as babies around that shit and drinking and having coffee when she was pregnant and nursing with them. It's not fair what they do to us that we can't control. It fucks us up and now I can't really have alcohol because in addition to my father's alcoholic Irish family, I'm also fucked because my loving mommy decided to mess me up by taking pills I didn't need and exposing me to them as a baby and when I was in the womb. So I'm a depressed alcoholic. Goddamn I can't even walk down the wine isle at Albertsons without flipping out. I've gotten better but still. And depression makes me wanna drink. How fucked is that? I mean, Honestly. Thanks so much for loving me enough to fuck my entire life mommy and daddy. Damn I mean it's not really his fault for being Irish, but she didn't have to fuck me up. And yet they won't get me pills I actually need to fix what they did to me. I kinda need them to keep me from fucking killing myself. Every moment I feel the depression in the corner of my mind, my body, my emotions. It never goes away. And I can thank them for it but for nothing else. I know for sure that if I live long enough to have kids, I'm gonna be going off my antidepressants for my pregnancy and when I'm nursing them. I want them to have the best chances possible and have the happiness I never could have.