The Cause of All Their Pain

I hate the pain I cause. I hate the tears I create. I hate the fact that there are people out there hurting, because of me. Because I can only choose one and not them all. And they all want the one I choose to be themselves. But I can’t choose one and all at the same time. I hate the fact that just knowing kills them. Knowing I still remember the ones before them. Knowing that there Were ones before them. Knowing that there are things I miss about the others that they don’t give me. I remember them all. The looks in their eyes when they looked at me, the way they held me like they’d never let go even if they would die if they didn’t, the way their voices changed and their attention was taken over by me the second I walked into the room. The way they changed little things for me and put me before anything in their lives. The way they all still care and wish for things to be just the two of us once again. The way their faces drop and their smiles die when they notice the new guy beside me. The way they all wish they were the only one, and wonder how much time they have before they too, are gone. They wonder if I love them and if I’d rather be with another guy, listening to me talk about the ones before when they ask. I hate how no matter what, every time I turn around, I see the broken heart of yet another guy. I don’t want them to hurt, I don’t want to be the cause. I love that so many of them care, but I don’t want them all to hurt. So many lost and broken-hearted, so many shattered souls, so much confusion and pain, and in the middle…Is me.