I'm Not Trying Anymore

I cried yesterday. I never do. I ended up crying when I was talking to my best friend Megan. Why? Because I got the one thing that keeps me from killing myself every day taken away from me. My boyfriend. So I have this shitty relationship for the next year or two and I might just end up dying anyway, because I cannot handle this taken away from me. So why fucking TRY, if all I'm gonna get is everything taken away from me? I have scars and cuts all over my arms. So why not take that one step further and cut somewhere a little more...vital? And maybe add a couple nice little pills to that, swimming in some vodka? Yeah. Great idea, right? I know. It is. And I have 2 weeks to do it, because in that time my boyfriend can't find out and whine at me to not do it. Great timing. And I really only need a day :) Now that I've had my life taken away from me, who the fuck in the world is gonna stop me from just finishing the job?